Hollow Flowers
by Fira Bella
Summary: Axel and Xigbar watch their worlds crumble. Maybe there's hope, or maybe they keep going because there's nothing else to do. Goes from Pre-CoM to KHII but not in that order . Dem/Xig and Ax/Rox if you read it that way. Rated M for language.


* * *

When I look back at the Organization, it isn't all bad memories. I see a rich group of characters with an amazing goal. I see people accepting me despite my youth in comparison to the first neophyte, Saïx. I saw them accept Demyx because they were secretly protective of him, secretly wanted him to reach his full potential. I saw them accept Luxord right away, simply because they liked him. But really, its all fake isn't it? I never felt fake, never said couldn't feel, but I had fallen for an idea that lied to itself. I guess that's where I too was a cheap imitation.

But back then, I would stick by my family- in the good days, that's what it felt like. Even Marluxia and Larxene contributed to the environment, strolling by the court yard, laughing. Roxas was the last before that changed. We Nobodies- we had nothing, so of course we stuck together. That was why this whole thing started- we began to group together. We all secretly wanted to be whole- so what did we do? We all pretended. We made "friends". We told jokes and "liked" each other. We took comfort in doing things that should have made us feel happy. And real feelings we tried to ignore. Us Nobodies were just bad actors- we imitated emotions and tried to act like people because we didn't know what else to do.

But Roxas- Roxas was different.

He came and scared everyone. He was _real._ He never acted or imitated. He was raw and natural. The group tried to be nonchalant about it, tried to accept him like we'd accepted each other, but it was difficult. Normal people _want_ to be accepted, which is what motivated us. But none of us had really meant it by the end. Roxas… wouldn't pretend to feel, wouldn't pretend anything, so that when a real emotion brewed inside him, we all knew.

In a place where everything was fake, real emotion was easy to sense.

Luxord's cards made him frustrated, so Luxord let him win. Saïx kept away until he got used to Roxas's contempt for him. Perhaps it was just Xemnas who was unaffected- but that could have been because all Roxas felt for him was respect and a little bit of gratefulness. Maybe

But I didn't run away either. He was curious about me. Not scared or angry. And then he… liked me. His emotions almost tangibly poured over me; we're _friends_, me and Axel, I _like_ Axel, I _trust _Axel…

It was pretty overwhelming, but that warmth triggered something inside me. Some new wall was broken down and suddenly it was way easier to act. It hardly felt like acting anymore. Sometimes I even lost control. I loved when tht happened.

His heart infected me- showed me what having a heart was like. I know you've heard it all before, but did it ever hit you like it hit me? You can hear the words, but do you pass them off? Words can have fake meanings if you don't pay attention, so the next time you think of me, _Sora, _listen to what I said and play it over again. You have all the time in the world after all.

* * *

Demyx had been good. When you were a Nobody, you couldn't be defined by who you were. It was who you chose to act like that revealed your character. Most of us tried to act like our old selves, but some of us decided to change. I didn't know what choice Demyx had made, but I did figure he had no idea what "being good" was actually like.

The point is that he tried. He tried to avoid fights, and avoid harsh "feelings". Perhaps he thought whining was a positive thing because he'd seen Sora or Roxas (or Axel) do it… The point is that he tried, and that alone made him good.

His tone was sweet and rational, the way he said "don't be mad…" or "Aw cheer up, Namine!" He was obnoxious, but perhaps not on purpose. He was the first one to suspect the presence of a heart among our ranks. He was the first to see Roxas's heart because he wanted it the most.

* * *

On the days Larxene had better things to do than beat her up, Namine would sit on the balcony and draw. Those days were usually off days, when we all acted a little less and did things we actually wanted to. I caught Xigbar sitting beside her more than once, staring up at the clouds with his good eye and lazily shooting at the odd bird.

Roxas was up there a lot, but he himself couldn't say why. All he ever did was nap in the cozy chair, but he said something about being near her- how it felt oddly familiar. He figured spending time with Namine was the right thing to do. That's what he'd told me, not her. I had to laugh. When he was actually with her, it got a little awkward.

Still, no one visited Namine as much as Demyx- she loved when Demyx went to see her. He'd play her songs that made no sense and make jokes that weren't funny- but we were Nobodies, and that didn't really matter. Everything was fake except our intentions. He wanted to make her happy and he did.

The first time I went up to see her though, she was alone. She smiled.

"Oh hi Axel. Nice to see you up here."

It was nearly windless. The bleak expanse was sunlit today- the view was almost… pretty.

Namine began to doodle in her notepad. She grabbed a red crayon and a black one that had been used extensively. She was going to draw me. Was that all I was? Two colours?

"Can I ask you something?"

She looked up from the scribbles.

"Of course Axel."

I bit my lip. How to put it to words…

"Do I… scare you?"

She laughed.

"I'm scared of everyone, Axel. I'm scared of myself."

"Oh." I took a seat beside her. She had some sort of calming effect on me. I hoped she wasn't messing with my head. "Um… what's that like?"

Her smile evened out a bit.

"It's… complicated. Do you want me to be scared of you?"

I shrugged.

"I'm not sure yet."

"Roxas isn't scared of you."

It was my turn to smile.

"I've given up questioning anything Roxas does. I'll never understand why he likes me."

Namine picked up some more crayons- a green, a peach, an orange, a pink.

"You're special. I see it too. You're like us."

No. I shook my head.

"No, I'm not! He should be scared of me. I'll hurt him!"

She looked at me again. He eyes were warmly half-lidded.

"And you don't want that, do you?"

"NO!"

She paused, pressing a finger to her lips.

"Calm down. You know, Larxene, Marluxia, Xemnas- they don't care if they hurt someone."

I didn't reply. She watched me, silent.

"That just proves my point, Axel."

She held up her picture briefly before setting the notebook on the patio table.

It was me, trying to hold on to a pink heart.

* * *

Xigbar patted him on the shoulder.

"Look bud- I know how you feel- I mean- I understand what's going on. There's only one kid here that I like, and I don't know what I'd do if something happened to him."

Axel looked up from his feet to meet Xigbar's (one eyed) gaze.

"Consider yourself very lucky," number two continued. "I rank pretty high, and I'm one of the original six. I'm not supposed to care about anyone. But you- what would you know?- you're a neophyte, and a young one at that. You're fire- you can act out as much as you want- no one will put it past you." He leaned in closer. "You can use that to cover up your sadness, and no one will know. Take advantage of your heart while you still can." Xigbar straightened and quickly made sure the common room was empty. It wasn't. Luxord had entered through the north door. "I don't want to see you get all Zexy on us. You saw what happened to him…"

"Actually," Axel corrected/lied without missing a beat. "I didn't see, but I imagine it wasn't pleasant."

* * *

That damn kid, Xigbar had thought, looking out from the roof of the Imperial City. He was sitting, and his legs were dangling, and it was almost as fun as being upside-down. But _damn _that kid.

Here he was, really high up, with a cool mission, freaking _dragons, _and a new control of Heartless- and of all the things he could have been doing, he cursed the fact that it was worrying.

_Worrying._

And not even about himself. The Organization's tough, gritty Number II, Xigbar, was worrying about someone _else_. It was freakin' weird, was what it was.

Then again, no one would be surprised. It was Demyx- it was always Demyx.

He wondered if IX was okay. The Underworld was a horrible place to send the kid- what with all the doom and gloom. He wondered how Demyx had decided to approach it. There were two ways, Number IX had said himself: the stupid way, where he stayed true to his 'personality' and tried to accomplish his mission by being nice and seeking help, or the slightly less stupid way, where he made his best attempt to blend in/hide and accomplish his mission alone.

Xigbar hoped Demyx had taken his advice of the latter.

Hoped…

Xigbar fell back, onto the rooftop. It slanted nicely, so he had a perfect view of the stars.

Worrying and hoping… Xigbar was going soft. Or maybe he was starting to feel… real emotions.

He shook his head, banishing the thought. He couldn't feel. He was drawn to Demyx because…

Well if he knew, he supposed he wouldn't be a Nobody. Demyx was a perfect and kind and cheery- everything Xigbar had hated about Marluxia. But on Demyx, it was a breath of fresh air. Demyx wasn't normal. He wasn't arrogant or strong. His eyes were closed as much as they were open, like he gave all his senses equal time to absorb the beautiful world they lived in.

* * *

When Oblivion had settled and Sora had left, Axel wasn't sure what to do. He sunk down in his chair, completely, _completely_ alone, and sat there for hours. Would he be allowed back? Would they kill him? Would they find out? Not that he was worried about that stuff- or was he?

He wasn't sure exactly what scared him, but something did…

In the end Xigbar travelled there himself, and in a rage, yanked Axel out of his seat and pinned him against the wall.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Number II growled, face inches from the read-head's. His breath was sticky and smoky, and slightly alcoholic. And somehow, that one fierce eye was more threatening than any two-eyed glare Axel had ever received. For good measure, Xigbar pulled Axel from the wall, then slammed him back against it.

Axel would have been set off by then- he was cornered and short fused, and didn't take the abuse lightly- but his limbs were held in place by some well placed gravity. Xigbar was manipulating the space around him, and really, Number II didn't even have to hold him down, but Axel knew him, and knew he wouldn't let up. It would have been nice though- the g's were making him kind of faint.

"I give up," Axel gasped, through heavy lips. "What did I do?"

And if possible, the fire in Xigbar's eye flared up more, and simultaneously, Axel felt the both gravity ease, and Xigbar's fist hit his face. The older Nobody let the him sink to the ground. Axel's lip was split open, oozing fake blood, throbbing with fake pain, but Axel tasted it and liked it. He smirked.

"Don't you fuckin' smile at me, you little bastard," Xigbar snarled. "You don't know how lucky you are. I've seen enough of your stupid act to last me a lifetime, so tell me, what part did you play in this?"

Axel noticed, weakly standing, that the anger in Xigbar's voice was fading. It was giving way to… well, _something_ he hadn't experienced yet.

"I… kind of played every part… to survive."

Xigbar backed up and step and leaned on the back of the couch.

"Good. You can tell that to the Superior." He glanced around the room, but seemed somehow, to be glancing around the whole castle. "But if you want me on your side, and if you don't was Saïx to murder you, because you know he's been looking for an excuse, you'd better tell me the whole truth. And yes, we're alone. I put a field around this floor."

So Axel sighed, sunk back onto the ground where it was more comfortable and told as much as he dared. He and Xigbar both knew he wouldn't say everything- no one ever did- but when he was done, he looked up and Xigbar was satisfied and laughing.

"My god, Demyx was right- you do need my help. But you have a shitload of things going for you."

Axel scoffed. He could already feel the noose on his neck.

"Like what?"

Xigbar's grin was wicked, unfeeling, lopsided, and still, somehow, incredibly comforting.

"You still have the support of most of us, thanks to Roxas. The Superior still believes you're an asset, especially now that you've caught Sora's eye. And Marluxia and Larxene had it coming."

Axel blinked. Xigbar regarded Axel, and offer a hand to help him up. He took it. Standing straight, there wasn't much height difference between them, so Axel stared right into Xigbar's eye, desperate.

"Kid," the older man sighed, reading his expression. "I can't stick myself on the line for you- I don't even think I'm going to tell them I _like_ you. As far as they know, that cut is from the Keyblade, and when I found you, you were barely conscious."

"And you seriously think it will work?"

Xigbar shrugged.

"You need to want it. And from what I can tell, what plan you're working on is far from complete. So want it."

Axel stared incredulously. Even with Number II working for him, he knew the chances of being killed, of worse, being turned into a dusk, we're pretty high. Especially because-

"Xigbar- _I killed Vexen!"_

Xigbar shook his head, finger to his lips.

"Shh. I never heard that. I don't know what else to tell you Axel- he was starting to piss people off anyway."

* * *

Xigbar really did like Axel, but if it hadn't been for Demyx's pleas, he would never have agreed to side with him. It would have been "too bad so sad, punk" and he figured he wouldn't gotten over it eventually. But Demyx was worried, and then relieved, and Roxas was relieved though you wouldn't have seen it if you weren't looking. So naturally, Xigbar had had no choice. Or at least, he liked to think so. Thinking so make him feel less heartless.

And then Xemnas sent Demyx to Hollow Bastion where Sora was and Xigbar tried his best to ignore what that meant. At half power, that kid had taken out two of their ranks already. At full power, no advice he gave Demyx, no amount of training the kid could do to prepare would save him. Neither of them would say that out loud, So Xigbar still gave his advice, and Demyx went over his chord progressions anyway.

He stuck by Demyx right up until he had to leave, grinning as he fussed over his hair and fixed his coat just so.

"This won't be anything like the Underworld," he'd warned, and Demyx rolled his eyes, fooling himself into thinking he was prepared. Lovable _idiot_. Then again, Xigbar had thought the same thing. No, not even thought- just hoped.

He'd even managed to made Demyx forget what Axel had done- not for very long, but it had cheered him up, and made him daydream a little about what it would be like to just be free like that.

But after a hug and some sniffles, Demyx was on his way, and even he knew what it meant for him.

And it was pretty sad, those that were left agreed, but they blew it off like it was nothing. Because it really was nothing.

Xigbar tried to think like them. But everything that was the colour of Demyx's eyes, or the sound of a note in a song he used to hum made him angry. Pathetic, sad, and angry.

So he went up to the roof of the palace in the Imperial City again, watched the fireworks and wasn't surprised when he had company.

"Never pegged you as one for this stuff," Axel sighed, leaning back against the roof.

Xigbar chuckled, though nothing was funny.

"Its all made from gunpowder, right?"

Axel nodded and turned away from the blooming array of sparks.

"Listen-"

"No."

Axel's character faltered. Xigbar could feel it, just like last time. He wasn't sure what to do.

"W-What?"

"I said _no_. No I won't listen to you. I won't help you."

But Axel's weakness hadn't lasted long. He saw right through him.

"It's not my fault that happened."

"I never said it was, but you could have done it differently. You didn't have to leave like that."

And it was just like Oblivion, that unbelieving, wide eyed stare, as if _Xigbar_ was the idiot.

"Of course I did. Don't you know what's going on? There aren't two sides to this- its not a war. It's Sora eliminating us one by one. And if you stay for the wrong reasons, you'll die, and if you go it alone for the wrongs reasons, you'll die."

"So what- join you? That's the only way? That won't bring him back."

"No, but it might keep you alive."

"We're not alive to begin with."

"We were. When we had them."

Xigbar laughed. The irony was killing him.

"Axel, we're both full of shit, and we both know it."

The red head threw his arms up, forehead wrinkling in irritation.

"What do you want me to do Xigbar? At least I'm still trying."

And Xigbar's answer surprised even himself.

"You could have taken him with you when you left."

Axel sat up and glanced down at the masses.

Quietly, "Xigbar that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

And really, Xigbar totally agreed.

* * *

In the long run their friendship hadn't stood the test of their differences. Axel had Roxas, Xigbar had Demyx, and then their respective losses to deal with. Perhaps that was as much as either of them could handle. They'd tried, but in secret, because somehow, they knew they just weren't allowed. And when Axel was AWOL, their conversations were few, and Axel hated keeping his guard up for the both of them, and Xigbar hated having to deny he'd even seen Axel at all.

Xigbar had been right- they were both full of shit. Axel wasn't trying to save the world- he was just desperate. Xigbar didn't support Xemnas's cause- his spirit was just broken.

They were all failing actors in a failing play, with failed friendships. But their characters never faltered. If there was a stage, they would take a bow, and get their ovation, get their flowers. But sometimes applause is just given out of principle, and roses just given out of pity.

But as he faded, Axel figured Xigbar deserved some applause for lasting so long after Demyx was gone.

And when Xigbar felt himself getting weak, he figured he'd stick a flower on Axel's grave if he made it out of there, because Axel deserved it for seeing through their hollow cause. Then again, when you were a Nobody, every cause was hollow.

* * *

**Author's Note**: This is the second incarnation- I reposted after fixing some mistakes and addind the fireworks bit, which I'd forgotten. After that the Oblivion part just popped into my head. I've always liked the idea of Xigbar bearing a bit of a burden because of his high rank, but also using it to his advantage. The whole thing turned out way more angsty than intended. Oh and I hope the switch from first to third person didn't read weird. Those parts sort of wrote themselves that way. Hope you liked! Reviews fuel my fire :)


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